She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
