Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
