Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
