i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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