Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
