I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
