Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
