Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think your dad took our porno
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need a beard to bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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