Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
