Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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