we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
