May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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