If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
this boner is exhausting
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
