i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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