if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
