pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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