Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
