I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
