we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
