Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
