sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
