I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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