I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
