Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
