It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
