She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
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We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
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To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me