help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake