was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...