i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"