I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
