if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
