Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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