When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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