You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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