Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
