Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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