he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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