Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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