Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
