I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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