i just google imaged poop.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
