i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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