he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
