i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
