So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish you could order shots online.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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