i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
