All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
