OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
