well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I touched a dick in church today
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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