God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
