How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
