Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
