Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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