That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
