please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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