im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
