Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't think brook has ever known best
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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