I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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