Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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