Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
