I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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