i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
